sun shine
2106-02-07 @ 3:25 p.m.
back from sailing around in the ocean for four days and meeting new people in discos and spending fifty dollars for teddy bears in mexico and admiring how waves reflect the sun from my window and staring at the stars from the floor of a ship at two o'clock in the morning with strange boys . despite my nagging depression, i think it was a good experience . i met a lot of interesting people from all around, and had a really nice conversation with this one boy who i could've fallen in love with last night . i can't describe how beautiful it was just laying down next to this boy, stargazing and sharing our lives with eachother psychobabble and all . my only problem is that i think too much before i speak and spend more time observing than participating . i'm just better at connecting with people on a higher level than stupid every day talk & so on and so forth . and i'm no good at acting one way when i feel another.. aka smiling and acting happy when i'm depressed . and i have to accept that that's my personality, for now at least . just because i don't always show emotion doesn't mean i don't have any . and just because i don't talk so much doesn't mean i'm not listening . and so on and so forth .
"you wear all white, but then you listen to things like nine inch nails. you're like a corrupted angel child." "are you shy or just always so quiet? ["i just don't know what to talk about"] if only you just talked half as much as your cousin." "you giggle a lot.. ["i know, it's kind of involuntary"] but it's still adorable." i love hearing people's first impressions of me . always the same .
i wish i could just be as oblivious and normal as everyone else . i wish i could just be happy without having to pretend and make other people happy without having to try so hard . i wish i could write an entry that's not completely repetitive . blah, blah .
alice in chains . sunshine
am i too contagious
full of sick desire
am i that i promise
burning corpsed pyre
then some dude came down to touch the mother
mother touched and dude ain't here no more
am i your reflection
melting mirror smile
am i worth the value
does my love defile
then some dude came down to touch the mother
mother touched and dude ain't here no more
ain't no day the sun don't crack
try brand some name across my back so you care
find someone to tell you
sunshine, sweet love my labor
don't mind, i don't care no more
can you face the queston
is my soul entire?
