tonite tonite
2003-06-14 @ 3:25 a.m.
well i never expected this to happen tonight . my arms are still so tired i can hardly type ..
i went to the movies with jason and stephen around 10:00 . stephen & i ended up holding hands through the whole thing and on the way back he jumped in the backseat with me and we kissed a little . when they dropped me off, i asked him to come over later if he wanted . around 1:00 he got back to my house & i popped in a movie he brought . we kissed a little more, then later he slipped his hand down to unzip my jeans . i felt nervous, but before i knew it he was inside of me pushing in and out . it hurt a little, but every time i whispered ow he'd stop and ask how i was . he said he'd stop if i wanted, and kissed me every second he could . he whispered "i love you" like he always does, and i whispered back "i love you too" . he asked if i'd give him a massage . i reached down to unbuckle his belt but couldn't quite get it, and he laughed and said he meant a back massage but that was fine too . i straddled him and massaged his back for a while, then later chris walked out for a minute to get a drink . i was lying on his stomach, and started to kiss him harder, biting his lip and sucking on his neck . he thrust into me and i moaned softly into his ear . i was afraid my parents would come back out, so i asked him if he wanted to go to my room . he asked if we'd get in trouble and i laughed, then took him into my room and locked the door . i guided him to my bed and layed down on top of him for a while, then slid down and unbuckled his pants, which were glowing under my black light . he layed down and stared at the ceiling, as i slipped his boxers down . i gently took him in my mouth and slid him in and out, squeezing the inside of his legs . he ran his hand through my hair and sighed "oh, yeah", then took my hand and squeezed tight . it was my first time so he didn't cum, but thanked me and said he wasn't expecting that at all and apologized for not cumming . he kissed me over and over and we layed down on my bed in silence for a while . he rolled me over on top of him, pushing harder and faster, occasionally sweeping the hair out of my face . we stopped and since we were both kind of hot, he asked if he could take his shirt off . i massaged his back again with aromatherapy lotion, and ran my fingertips over his skin in the shape of a heart . "oh that feels so good," he said, "you're the best" . i asked if he wanted music, then turned on 98 rock . led zeppelin was on, so we sang along and just lay in eachother's arms staring at the ceiling . then i put on my seventies mix tape and sang along to dream on . i looked over at the clock and it was 1:45 . he said he had to work at eight, and should probably go at two, though he wished he could stay forever . we just talked for a while, and at 2:05 he said he wished he could spend the night, but if he fell asleep to wake him up . he slid his finger inside me again, and it still hurt a little but was starting to feel better . he complimented my stomach and kissed my bellybutton a few times . ten minutes later, i told him what time it was and he said he should probably go and he'd try to see me tomorrow after work . i layed my head on his bare chest and sighed, and felt him against me . he thrust into me over & over and i pushed down & back up on his shoulders . i ran my hands over his fuzzy hair and breathed hard onto his neck, and as i moved my hips along with his let go of all the pain i had built up inside . i thought about all the times i'd imagined this, and now it was actually happening . i love hearing him moan, he kept asking how i was doing and kissing me softly . "this would feel so much better without the pants," he laughed . after, he looked at me and asked what i was thinking . "i'm tired," i said, "but comfy" . "you look comfy," he said . "and cute and happy and beautiful ." he whispered i love you again and i said it back . then he lifted me up, kissed me goodnight and told me to sleep well . i miss him already . i can still feel you, even so far away .
smashing pumpkins . tonight, tonight
time is never time at all
you can never ever leave
without leaving a piece of youth
and our lives are forever changed
we will never be the same
the more you change the less you feel
believe, believe in me, believe
that life can change that you're not stuck in vain
we're not the same, we're different tonight
tonight, so bright, tonight
and you know you're never sure
but you're sure you could be right
if you held yourself up to the light
and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
the place where you were born
believe, believe in me, believe
in the resolute urgency of now
and if you believe there's not a chance tonight
tonight, so bright, tonight
we'll crucify the insincere tonight
we'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
we'll find a way to offer up the night tonight
the indescribable moments of your life tonight
the impossible is possible tonight, tonight
believe in me as i believe in you, tonight
