10 for everything
2003-06-02 @ 5:03 p.m.
ever have one of those days where you just don't care what the fuck anyone thinks ? yeah, today's definitely one of those days .
after walking around the complex a few times, i sit down on the curb to think for a while . some old lady in a brown car with her windows down drives by, stares at me for a minute and mumbles something like, "you're not allowed to sit there ." i give her a blank stare back until she drives away and mumble something like, "what a shitty world ."
this morning i woke up thinking, “what a fucked up dream i just had” . i don’t know how to describe it, but i’ll try . imagine a dingy pawn shop like place in the middle of some bad neighborhood in new york or l.a. . one dream took place during the day here, the cashier was an old lady and i was myself . i had to ask her for a map or something, and was in a terrible rush . in the back of the shop, there was a door leading to a narrow ‘tunnel’ almost, that twisted on for about ten minutes until it reached another door back to the pawn shop . there were cement walls with pictures and clippings of famous dead people and killers and whatnot all over . the whole place was kind of moist and dimly lit with a red light . panicked, i ran as fast as i could tripping over dead bodies and trying to come up with a plan as fast as i could think . i was in sort of a ‘kill or be killed’ situation, or a ‘race to the death’ . whoever gets out alive first wins, i guess . i don’t really know what the point of it was, but anyhow there was only one guy left and he was way ahead of me . i kept trying to think of how i could kill him before he reached the door . along with the ‘map’ thing, i was carrying sort of a radar to show where the others are . it kept coming on when i reached another corpse, and since i didn’t know if it was a body or the guy i was after, it scared the hell out of me . i finally saw the door and got this chill down my spine . it wasn’t open, the guy was behind me . “where did i pass him?”, i thought . i looked up and saw a cut-out in the ceiling . i figured he’d try to jump down on me and stab me or something before i reached the door, the bastard . as i was looking at it with knife in hand, someone pounced on me from behind and tried to stab me in the back . i somehow got him off me and thrust my knife into his throat . i felt really sorry for him, but it was part of the game . then i walked to the door and opened it .
in another dream, the tunnel was surrounded by these large chain fences that were just low enough to climb over . outside the fences it was like a jungle, so it felt a little safer in the tunnel in spite of everything . the cashier in the pawn shop was a grungy middle-aged man, and this time we were all involved . we were all running from a ‘monster’ i guess, some guys climbed over the fences to hide and some just kept running . when we reached the door this time it was locked, so we cut out a part of the ceiling to hide up there . i can’t exactly remember it all, but i remember getting out somehow and later coming back and seeing all the bodies and blood and just feeling nothing . then it all started over again .
monster : to dream of a monster or an atrocious-looking creature suggests you are not being honest with yourself and are avoiding the truth . you are advised to come to terms with what is being avoided, lest it overcome you and bring misfortune . yay .
i'm sure my bitterness is just oozing out of your screen right now . taste it . taste my bitter ooze . yum .
the violent femmes . kiss off
i need someone a person to talk to
someone who'd care to love
could it be you could it be you
situation gets rough then i start to panic
it's not enough it's just a habit
hey kid you're sick well darling this is it
you can all just kiss off into the air
behind my back i can see them stare
they'll hurt me bad but i won't mind
they'll hurt me bad they do it all the time
yeah yeah they do it all the time
i hope you know this will go down
on your permanent record
oh yeah well don't get so distressed
did i happen to mention that i'm impressed
i take one one one cause you left me and
two two two for my family and
3 3 3 for my heartache and
4 4 4 for my headaches and
5 5 5 for my lonely and
6 6 6 for my sorrow and
7 7 7 for no tomorrow and
8 8 8 i forget what 8 was for and
9 9 9 for a lost god and
10 10 10 10 for everything
everything everything everything
