the day the whole world went away
2003-05-10 @ 9:04 p.m.
"To cope with their unhappiness, people with APD often escape into fantasy which ís “a ‘safe’ medium ín which to discharge affection, aggression or other impulses that would otherwise be inappropriate, uncomfortable or impossible to achieve ín reality,” (Millon & Everly). Avoidants will tend to read, watch TV, use a computer or daydream to escape from reality."
damn, i do that . maybe i really do have a slight avoidant personality disorder . (insert time to ponder) .
i have been daydreaming a lot more than usual lately . first, i was in the shower with the radio up pretty loud so i could only hear the beat . i imagined myself in some recording studio somewhere in new orleans, upstairs taking a shower . the muffled sound wasn't the radio, but the guys playing around with some new songs . i'd walk downstairs drying my hair and say, "let's get some breakfast, hey" . one of the guys would say, "check this out" and play something fucked up sounding . i'd tie my towel around his eyes and ask, "any last words, soldier?", then we'd walk down to the cafe du monde for coffee and beignets . later my grandmother was telling me about world war II & the forties and whatnot, so i thought i might be a military translator . i could take french or german, and they'd pay me to take classes, and i'd wear one of those camouflage uniforms with the green & brown hats . then i'd call up my dad for all the times he said, "remember, your dad was in the marine corps" or "semper fi" and say, "who's in the marines now? oo-rah" . "you'd never make it past one day in physical training, you haven't spent a day outside in your life" . oh yeah .
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so my group started taping our video for english class this morning . last minute changes to scripts, scenes, costumes, parts even . what do you expect when you tell five slackers to get together and make a movie? improv at it's lowest . and what do i get for leaving my swim suit at home? the role of a cute nerdy lesbian in leanne's brother's oversized t-shirt and brian's glasses .
(writing lines for the last scene)
nick : then i'll say, "yeah that bitch samantha ripped out our fuckin' hearts, so we're gonna go fuck up her house ."
leanne : in those exact words?
nick : "yeah that *bleep* samantha ripped out our *bleep* -ing hearts, so we're going to *bleep* up her *bleep* -ing house . alright, mother *bleep* -er?"
nine inch nails . the day the world went away
i'd listen to the words he'd say
but in his voice i heard decay
the plastic face forced to portray
all the insides left cold and gray
there is a place that still remains
it eats the fear it eats the pain
the sweatest price he'll have to pay
the day the whole world went away
na na nah, na na na nah
na na nah, na na na nah
