ghost room
2003-03-22 @ 7:35 p.m.
"you know what my number one fantasy used to be .. i used to think about one day just not telling anyone and going off to some random place . and i'd just .. disappear .. and they'd never see me again ."
today there were some model houses open in thurston groves . i think i found my dream home . not much on the outside, but inside it's awesome .. maroon, green & beige color scheme like in my house . there was even a mural with a fountain in the dining room . but the best part was the room upstairs, the 'bonus room' in the floor plans . there were black diamonds painted on the walls, and the bathroom had moulin rouge style wallpaper . and on the side of the room there was a step leading up to this little extra part with a couch and big screen . i sat there for about five minutes imagining what i could do in that room . nothing like looking at million dollar houses to make you feel inferior .
later i went to tyrone mall & got the depeche mode singles 86>98 cd . walking around with about five dollars in my purse, i thought i'd ask for a job application at suncoast . of course the minimum age to work there is eighteen though . because sixteen year olds must not have the incredible intelligence needed to work a damn cash register . what really irritated me was the smug look the lady gave me when she said it . fuck her, by the time i'm her age i think i'll have a real job .
yeah, then i came home and for some unholy reason started cleaning my closet out . that's a job that can only be done over spring break . i hate looking through my old stuff, because though i don't use them anymore and probably didn't even know they were there, i feel some strange attachment to random things that makes me put them in garbage bags and save them . which kind of defeats the purpose of cleaning in the first place .
now i just finished watching ghost world, having a completely dull conversation over a completely dull dinner, and am listening to old downbeat songs which seem to fit my mood perfectly . come back and fucking talk to me once in a while won't you . you make me feel like an alternate .
depeche mode . in your room
in your room
where time stands still
or moves at your will
will you let the morning come soon
or will you leave me lying here
in your favourite darkness
your favourite half-light
your favourite consciousness
your favourite slave
in your room
where souls disappear
only you exist here
will you lead me to your armchair
or leave me lying here
your favourite innocence
your favourite prize
your favourite smile
your favourite slave
i'm hanging on your words
living on your breath
feeling with your skin
will i always be here
in your room
your burning eyes
cause flames to arise
will you let the fire die down soon
or will i always be here
your favourite passion
your favourite game
your favourite mirror
your favourite slave
i'm hanging on your words
living on your breath
feeling with your skin
will i always be here
will i always be here
